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“So,” Bart said in a deep booming voice, not unlike Todd’s imitation of God. “You two are masturbating, huh? ” “Master-what? ” said Todd. “What’s that mean? ” Bart resumed his normal voice. “It’s when you rub your penises. I know all about it. I do it too! ” This seemed to have a sobering effect on the boys, since they pretty much assumed anything Bart did had to be bad. Rod cried out “Oh, I knew it was a sin! We shouldn’t be doing it! Mom and Dad will be angry! But it feels so good! ” This gave Bart an idea. “You know, maybe I should tell your parents about your masturbating. It’s not right to keep secrets from them… ” “No! ” said Rod. “Please Bart, don’t tell them! We’ll do ANYTHING! ” “Anything? ” replied Bart. “OK, I’ve got just the solution. A way to keep this secret from your parents and have some fun too! ” “Fun? ” said Todd. “What’s more fun than rubbing our pee-pees? ” “Oh, you’ll see! ” said Bart with a devilish laugh. “C’mon! ” Bart then led the two boys, who had now zipped up their pants, back to his house. He knew his mother was doing laundry and ushered the two Flanders boys down into the basement. “Hello, Mrs. Simpson! ” the two boys said in unison. …to be continued!

Nah, he’d probably end up barfing all over the place. Maybe Martin? Hmmm, he always seems a bit girly — he might not even like getting a blowjob from a woman! Ralph Wiggum? He’s probably too young to even get orgasms. Nelson Muntz? Nah, he’d probably just laugh “Haw Haw” in my face, then beat me up! Bart was lying out in the backyard hammock late one afternoon, still trying to decide what other boy he could get for his mother. He particularly wanted someone for the morning sessions, so he could sleep in later and not feel so tired. Suddenly, Bart heard two voices in the next yard — Rod and Todd Flanders. They were singing some hymn or psalm or something (Bart could never remember the names or words to those dorky songs). Like a bolt from the blue, the solution seemed perfect! Why not get the Flanders’ boys? They live right next door, so it would be easy for them to come over in the mornings. And there were two of them, which would certainly satisfy his mother’s craving for boy sperm! But Bart immediately saw several problems. The Flanders’ were an ultra-religious family and Bart was pretty sure enticing the boys to receive oral sex from his mom was some kind of sin. Second, the boys had to keep it a secret from Mr. and Mrs. Flanders. This wasn’t an issue with Milhouse, but could be a problem with Rod and Todd, who were always taught to tell the truth. …to be continued!